apply for this job if you dare

Applying for a job has always been a demoralizing and intimidating proposition. It’s a dance with a scorpion, but in days that have now apparently gone by, it was fairly civil. Today, I notice a trend toward downright hostile job postings. “Apply if you dare” seems to be the latest edgy new-age banter. The want ads throw down the gauntlet and challenge you to a duel at dawn.

Last week I saw a help wanted post from a company that has been voted one of the best places to work. The post was for a 3-month temporary job and they led with: “If you are looking for a JOB, try another firm. We ONLY offer CAREERS.” Really… Three-month CAREERS? Nothing says “welcome aboard” like shouting in ALL CAPS that you are most likely damaged and undesirable – not worthy of this premier 3 month career anyway.

Here in Michigan, employers are already negotiating from a position of absolute power –have been for years. They demand the moon and the stars and offer less and less in return. Now there’s no pretense of courtesy. Rude is the new normal.

Today I read a truly startling example. It started with a great heading, “Not for the Faint of Heart”. So I have to click on that, right? As an ad writer, myself, I appreciate a good hook. The job post rambles on about how different they are, then describes some totally mundane duties, then ends with this snarky flourish:

“We DO NOT want … your resume. Can it. Not interested. We all know your objective is to get a job. None of us care that you were Phi Beta Kappa, leader of your Boy or Girl Scout Troop, that you won some award for something. Trust us, the Boss has seen it all (most of it anyway) and stopped being impressed by some over-achiever a long time ago. We don’t care and won’t care. We care about who you are and whether we like you enough to actually talk to you on a daily basis. So DON’T send your resume. Don’t do it.”

OK, I won’t.